I wish I knew this when I was younger
by Gyöngyvér Szabó I plantconfident.com
I wish I knew that there are two radically different approaches to doing things and that I grew up only knowing the less effective one. Here is why I pivoted from perfectionism to incrementalism at the age of 35.
Storytime
As far as I can remember, I have been applying perfectionism as a coping mechanism. I developed a strong internal need to appear flawless and do everything right for the first take very early on. And it worked well for me. It was typically viewed as a positive trait.
People who know me know this very well. 'You're always so put together, Gyöngyvér' - I would often get. Like it was all over me, how I looked, how I moved, how I did things. And it benefited me greatly.
The coping mechanism stopped working
From age 30 to 34, I struggled to adapt to life's challenges, and I slowly grew to learn that my solution formula for perfectionism didn't work anymore. I had to tackle big and bold projects that I couldn't complete in one sitting, nor they couldn't be done flawlessly.
Then there was a shift. I realised that I so profoundly internalised this coping mechanism that it influenced my tactics and how I made decisions. If I couldn't do it perfectly, I wasn't up for the job. Or, I worked late hours to create a buffer that allowed me to deliver on my own terms (of spotlessness).
That was when I knew that my inner drive to do things over-the-top flawless is more like the Devil's Advocate than a trustworthy old friend. The way I did things had to change. I had to change.
A 180-degree turn towards incrementalism
In late 2020, I had a fantastic project with a vegan catering company from Barcelona, Spain. We had a lot to do with their digital strategy but took things as they felt good and easy for us. We did not push a fixed, unalterable agenda to the project; instead, we created a flexible environment where we delivered in small increments.
The small increments became larger bodies of work until we could say, 'stop, this is where we think it's complete'.
Since that, I have delivered a couple more works in this spirit of building up step-by-step, following incremental decisions instead of racing through a pre-fabricated plan. I cannot tell you how much it feels like a breath of fresh air.
How my approach changed for the better
Children build up the world around them by learning by doing, from minor moves to more complex creations. They repeat things over and over, at least ten times, until they make any change. Children are so inherently smart, you all!
When I decided to change, I went back into my origin story and started doing things as my inner child would approach it—learning by doing.
The outcome is hardly perfect for the first try, and it better isn't. That's not the point anymore. The fact is that through small, incremental changes, my work will become so much better in the long term.
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snippets. short essays about the ins and outs of creating and delivering value digitally.